Trans Parent Day

November 6th was Trans Parent Day, a day first established in 2009 to celebrate and honour transgender parents, in addition to (or in place of) traditional Mother’s or Father’s Day, this day also includes parents who have transgender children.

Pflag volunteers asked Amanda Jetté Knox what Trans Parent Day means to them as a Canadian nonbinary best-selling author who is also a Trans Parent and tells a powerful story of love and acceptance when their child and their spouse transitioned. More recently they also came out as nonbinary themselves.

"Trans Parent Day is an important step in recognizing that both trans people and life outside the binary are normal parts of parenting. Celebrating the act of parenting, rather than specific roles, highlights the actions parents take rather than their gender. No matter who we are, the goal is to love our children unconditionally and support them in being the best version of themselves."

~ Amanda Jetté Knox, (@MavenOfMayhem on Twitter)

For more on Amanda's book Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family here is a book review written by Pflag Parent Giselle.

Remembering our civic duty

October is municipal election month, we go to the polls on October 24, and advance polls are already open! There are several issues that are important to the health, well-being, and prosperity of the Toronto LGBTQ2S+ community. If you're a parent, partner, or family member of a queer community member, please talk to your candidates and keep these issues in mind as you make your voting decision.

Homelessness is rampant among LGBTQ2S+ youth. especially those, who are not accepted and supported by their parents, who make up 21% of the youth in shelters, and struggle to find shelter space where they feel safe and their identities respected; violence and harassment of queer youth in shelters is common. Housing affordability is also a major issue for the LGBTQ2S+ community, especially the trans community. A 2018 study found that 45% of trans respondents lived in unsafe or unstable housing, and 22% suffered housing discrimination. ("From Surviving to Thriving", Toronto Trans Coalition Project). Housing struggles for the trans community are exacerbated by employment barriers and lack of income security with the median income for the trans community being in the mid-20 thousands, unemployment rate of 17% and 40% in precarious work (same study). Access to gender affirming care is another issue for trans people with far too few resources, and long waiting lists, including for vulnerable trans youth. Finally, rising hate in Canada is leading to increased violence against the queer community; homophobic hate crimes in Canada were up 64% in 2021.

We would love to see these issues discussed during the upcoming municipal campaign. Let's discuss adding new housing options for queer youth, and training to increase cultural competence of staff around queer youth. Candidates could discuss employment programs for trans people and programs to promote the benefits of trans inclusion to Toronto employers. We'd love to see candidates talk about the need to have more physicians providing gender affirming care and the fact that training and support is available. Or perhaps the need for the city to fund a gender affirming clinic to reduce waiting lists. We also need candidates to have an open discuss about the increasing rise of homophobic and transphobic hate in media and on the streets, and how it can be combatted.

We'd also love to see more queer representation in municipal government, making it easier to achieve progress on our issues. Queer politicians often understand our issues "from the inside", from their own lived experience. Representation also matters, seeing members of our community working on council will make the LGBTQ2S+ community feel more included.

While queer representation would be beneficial, there are candidates for school boards in this election running on "anti-woke" platforms; they campaign against schools accepting and supporting LGBTQ2s+ students. To support your queer and trans loved ones, please stay well away from these regressive candidates.

Celebrating National Coming Out Day

This month we celebrate National Coming Out Day, October 11th, a day to recognize and celebrate LGBTQ2S+ persons coming out and finding their place amongst LGBTQ2S+ communities.

Based on the belief that homophobia thrives in an atmosphere of silence and ignorance, it is important to have conversations around visibility, community support, safety, and self-determination.

We cheer alongside those in our communities, no matter where you are in your coming out journey, you are seen, you are loved and valid, just as you are.

Some of our Pflag volunteers shared their own experiences around the topic of Coming Out:

Lisa, (Pflag Parent and Support Committee Lead)
"I had several common responses when one of my 14-year-old twins came out to me as transgender/nonbinary in 2015. Firstly, that they were too young to label themselves. (They weren’t.) I also had an internal response of fear for my kid’s safety, and a sense of isolation because I didn’t know other families like ours. I only knew I wanted to be there for my kid. So, I told my kid that I love them, and nothing would change that!

Although parents can be overwhelmed because there is a lot to learn and fast, I had no idea how much it would fundamentally change how I think. It’s taught me that it’s not necessary to fully understand a person to accept their truth when they offer it to you. We should feel honoured when somebody trusts us enough to share that truth with us. In addition to the joy of seeing my kid come fully into who they are, I’m grateful for this new perspective and for the people who would not be in my life otherwise."

Jaden, (LGBTQ2S+ community member, Pflag volunteer working to develop our support services in different languages)
"People who come from countries with criminalized sexual orientation laws and more stigma attached to 2SLGBTQ+ are less likely to find support from within their own communities. It is imperative that we all create a more inclusive environment for people from diverse cultural backgrounds to share their stories and empower the communities to live with love and safety on National Coming Out Day. We hear from parents regularly asking to speak with other parents from similar cultural backgrounds so they can feel understood and know their children will not be the only 2SLGBTQ+ individuals in their communities. Immigrant parents can also feel lonely and isolated when children come out to them, and it is harder to deal with the conflicts and stress when they have limited knowledge and resources on sexual orientation and gender identities to match their cultural expectations and understanding. "

The 519 Community Centre shared some great tips to remember today on National Coming Out Day:

• Nobody should feel forced to come out before they are ready.

• People might be in different phases of their journey. Coming out isn't something that just happens.

• It is never too late to come out. Do it if and when you feel ready.

• Lean on your chosen community and surround yourself with a support system. Your safety comes first.

• Not being able to come out doesn't make you any less queer. You are still loved, and you still belong.

• Coming out can be an ongoing, never-ending process. We see you. Be kind to yourself.

• If you are out, questioning, or choosing not to be visible today, we support you.

• You are loved. You are valid.